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Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
So, you’re in your narcissistic abuse recovery journey. I first want to applaud you for stepping up for yourself. Surviving narcissistic abuse is NOT easy – especially when you love the jerk. I get it…. You’re staring at your phone, fighting the urge to respond to his message.
Believe me girl, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I’ve been there myself. It’s like you’re going through this internal battle of what you know what you should do and what your brain is desperately pushing you to do. Don’t worry, we’re going to get into a 3-step strategy below that’s going to help you regain your sanity!
But first, did you know that this urge you’re feeling isn’t just emotional – it’s grounded in neuroscience. Recent studies have shown that contact with an abusive narcissist can trigger the same neural pathways as physical pain. When you begin to understand this, it can be your key to maintaining the boundaries you need to heal.
I actually experienced a lightbulb moment when I first learned how narcissism abuse physically changes our brains. LITERALLY! The constant stress of narcissistic abuse floods our system with cortisol, our primary stress hormone. And this means that this doesn’t just make you anxious…it actually reshapes the construction of your brain. That’s just nuts to me.
Why Your Brain Needs No Contact to Heal During Narcissism Abuse Recovery
Breaking contact isn’t just about emotional boundaries – it’s about giving your brain the space it needs to heal.
When you maintain no contact during your narcissisim abuse recovery journey, something awesome happens. Your stress hormone levels begin to normalize, often within just a few weeks and you can begin to heal.
Every day you maintain no contact, you’re giving your brain a chance to rebuild itself. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I haven’t practiced “no contact” more than enough times to call me an expert (and by that I mean an expert at BREAKING NO CONTACT)! 🙂
Trust me, I’ve done it quite a few times and I’ve broken it many times as well. I’m human. But, when I finally DID get good at no contact, my anxiety levels shot down almost instantly of breaking things off. I started feeling more confident in myself after only a week of breaking free. By 30 days I actually started feeling like myself again. I know what you’re thinking – but trust me girl, you can get to 30 days. Once you do that, you’re on your way to recovery from that narcissistic jerk.
Breaking the Trauma Bond with No Contact
Trauma bonding isn’t just an emotional attachment; it’s a biological process similar to drug addiction. I remember feeling ashamed about how hard it was to stay away until I learned about the role of dopamine in trauma bonding.
Each time the narcissist shows kindness after a period of abuse, your brain releases a flood of dopamine – the same neurotransmitter involved in addiction. Crazy right? This creates a powerful biochemical cycle that keeps you hooked. It’s why going “cold turkey” with no contact is often necessary for recovery.
And I understand that you may believe that you can stay partially in contact or have a “friendly” relationship with your narcissistic abuser. I’m sorry to break this to you, but this rarely works. Oh believe me, I’ve tried this. It’s a waste of your time. A hard pill to swallow – I know and I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that you’re wasting your time if you think you can “just be friends” or “friends with benefits.” Besides, the “friends with benes” ONLY benefits HIM!
Each point of contact can trigger this addictive cycle all over again, resetting your recovery clock.
Okay, so let’s create a no contact strategy to get you over this narcissism abuse and get you living again girl!
Creating Your 3-Step Narcissistic Abuse Recovery No Contact Strategy
Understanding the science helped me create a more effective no contact strategy, and I hope it can do the same for you. The key is working with your brain’s natural healing processes, not against them. Here’s the three steps:
1. Create Digital Boundaries
Start with digital boundaries – they’re crucial in our connected world. Every time you check their social media, you’re activating those neural pathways we’re trying to heal. Trust me, I must have checked his Facebook profile more than 1,000 times! Now, I’ve learned to treat digital contact the same as physical contact because, to your brain, it essentially is.
Some digital boundary strategies you can try may include:
- Set up a dedicated support system for moments of weakness
- Use grounding techniques when experiencing trauma responses
- Document your progress to recognize patterns in healing
2. Manage your Physical and Emotional Symptoms During No Contact
The most challenging part of maintaining no contact often isn’t the practical aspects – it’s managing our body’s responses. I remember feeling overwhelmed by physical symptoms until I understood they were normal signs of my nervous system recalibrating.
Your body might experience:
- Intense emotional fluctuations as your brain chemistry stabilizes
- Physical symptoms similar to withdrawal
- Changes in sleep patterns and energy levels
- Temporary increases in anxiety or depression
The key is to work with these symptoms, not against them. Focus on activities that support your nervous system regulation:
- Regular gentle exercise to process stress hormones
- Consistent sleep schedules to support neurological healing
- Mindfulness practices to strengthen new neural pathways
- Proper nutrition to support brain health during recovery
3. Work on Yourself
Look, I know you’re likely going to be flooded with emotions during this time and probably extremely down on yourself. Afterall, the narsissist jerk did do their very best to beat you down (emotionally) and get you believing that YOU’RE the one with the problem. So, this step will likely be difficult. Be good to yourself and allow yourself some room for growth here and several attempts if needed.
Chances are, your biggest hopes during this time is that the jerk will come around and see what they’ve been putting you through. See their evil ways and be oh-so remorseful. They’ll come crawling back on their hands and knees begging for your forgiveness with promises of a complete transformation. Yeah…that’s likely not going to happen, so THIS time here should be spent on working on yourself so you can start regaining your confidence, self-esteem and become fully engaged in your newfound freedom.
Things you can do to help build yourself include:
- Going to the gym
- Taking nature walks
- Getting a new wardrobe and/or makeover
- Going to the spa
- Hanging out with your friends
- Taking up a hobby or class
- Volunteering
- Spending time with your kids
- Date yourself (take yourself out to dinner, the movies, or a beach day)
This isn’t going to be an overnight thing here. You have to give yourself some time to adjust and re-train your brain.
The science behind no contact isn’t just fascinating – it’s empowering. Understanding that your struggles aren’t a sign of weakness, but rather a natural response to trauma, can make all the difference in maintaining boundaries. Your brain has an incredible capacity for healing, but it needs the space that no contact provides.
Remember, every day of no contact is a day your brain is rebuilding itself. Those moments when you feel tempted to break no contact? That’s just your brain’s old neural pathways firing – it doesn’t mean you need to act on them.
If you’re struggling with maintaining no contact, remember that you’re not alone. Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below, and please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. You may even want to seek professional support. Your narcissistic abuse recovery journey is as unique as you are, but the science is clear: no contact isn’t just helpful – it’s essential for your brain’s recovery.